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My Own Archenemy

by Subcon

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1.
Antisocial Suicide 03:13
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Antidepressants, and all these petty obsessions It goes from pain to aggression It's such a manic progression And so I panic and question For all these damn imperfections It's like my soul left my body, so I just hope it's in Heaven Took a lifetime, all started at eleven No friends, independent, every second feeling threatened Still fighting my fight, in a therapy session All my past indiscretions, my confession in a sentence I put on like I'm perfect I know they'll prove me wrong with a verdict 'Cause deep down, I'm hurting, introverted Disconcerted, close the curtains I feel like my own archenemy I wanna run away, lose my identity Bleeding 'til I reach serenity I'm the one to blame, but sometimes I pity me Walking side by side with the darkness in my mind I've been running from the time, I've been looking for a sign Always kept myself confined, with my purpose undefined I'm just trying to stay alive, antisocial suicidal Lately, the world's got me flailing, frail and ailing Life goes on, but I'm trailing Need a lifeline, just to bail me out I've climbed too high, just to fail me now Exhale, breathe out, suffocating in bouts Sing loud, like I'm proud, but I'm still full of doubt Stand out from the crowd, devout outcast I've fallen out of bounds, and I can't bounce back From the kid wearing black, getting beat and laughed at Getting dragged through the halls, by his green backpack Eating lunch in the stalls, with a brown paper bag Read his name on the walls, and he never went back To a man who's still tied down to the tracks Still falling through the cracks, still living in the past Still living on his last breath, mad or depressed Still sad at his best, heart blasts through his chest I feel like my own archenemy I wanna run away, lose my identity Bleeding 'til I reach serenity I'm the one to blame, but sometimes I pity me Walking side by side with the darkness in my mind I've been running from the time, I've been looking for a sign Always kept myself confined, with my purpose undefined I'm just trying to stay alive, antisocial suicidal In the dirt, six feet deep Swim to the surface, try to breathe Got the weight of the world Trying to drown me in the sea I'm a sickness, a disease In a land of make believe I've been awake for a week Trying to put these thoughts to sleep I feel like my own archenemy I wanna run away, lose my identity Bleeding 'til I reach serenity I'm the one to blame, but sometimes I pity me Walking side by side with the darkness in my mind I've been running from the time, I've been looking for a sign Always kept myself confined, with my purpose undefined I'm just trying to stay alive, antisocial suicidal (Antisocial suicidal)
2.
The Dark Side 02:40
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My head and my heart, they just can't agree They're tearing me apart by my hands and feet Pushing, pulling me, I just can't beat them It's hard to believe, with so many demons They're speaking in tongues, God, I can't run, damn- They pushed me to the front, but I can't jump, bam- Slammed shut, door to the land of the phantoms Here's the anthem, better stand up Feels like I'm holding too tight Sometimes the wrong feels right Everything goes black in my eyes Sometimes my heart is on the dark side So much rage inside, I get filled with anger Can't drop the anchor, so I'm heading for danger I'm a freak of nature, turn the page, Threat straight from minor to major And I can't contain it When I'm rolling out of bed, it's like I'm rolling the dice I'm bipolar in the head, a fire cold as ice Leave the lies to the liars, I won't trust them twice I wanna beat their ass back, make them pay the price But that's why I created this alter ego When I rap, when I sing, this is not a placebo It's a real medication, it's my means of meditation Only source of renovation, that's why I'm so dedicated 'Cause my life is complicated, and I'm feeling suffocated Agitated, aggravated, everything but motivated And I'm getting so impatient, seen so many days wasted So I go back to the basics, it's my final destination This is not imagination, it's my duty, expectation Sick of waiting on a payment, to the finish, I'm racing Feels like I'm holding too tight Sometimes the wrong feels right Everything goes black in my eyes Sometimes my heart is on the dark side Feels like I'm holding too tight Sometimes the wrong feels right Everything goes black in my eyes Sometimes my heart is on the dark side If I want it I'll get it When I said it, I meant it My mind is haunted, admitted But I'm still on it, committed Feels like I'm holding too tight Sometimes the wrong feels right Everything goes black in my eyes Sometimes my heart is on the dark side Feels like I'm holding too tight Sometimes the wrong feels right Everything goes black in my eyes Sometimes my heart is on the dark side
3.
Hit The Floor 02:25
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You want beef? Then you'd better get cooking though You want smoke? Better lock and load You ain't drunk? Baby, I've got the antidote We're gonna party all night until we hit the floor You want beef? Then you'd better get cooking though You want smoke? Better lock and load You ain't drunk? Baby, I've got the antidote We're gonna party all night until we hit the floor It's a Broadway night, catch an Uber, hit a dive Start a Kanye, mic-snatching, Music City fight Make you cry, Johnny Cash, riders with a fifth of Sky Chase a Fireball flask with a Tennessee Fire Get the lights off fast, don't know what you think you saw Take another shot of Jack, and I'm peeing on the walls Grab a rag doll hick by his tacky overalls Take a walk down the hall, kick the bouncer in the balls Tough guy, wanna fight? We can dance, we can brawl Peed your pants, you're a joke, just like cops at the mall Score a keg from the street, make a Jaeger H-bomb Court date's in a week, throw a rager at the city hall You want beef? Then you'd better get cooking though You want smoke? Better lock and load You ain't drunk? Baby, I've got the antidote We're gonna party all night until we hit the floor You want beef? Then you'd better get cooking though You want smoke? Better lock and load You ain't drunk? Baby, I've got the antidote We're gonna party all night until we hit the floor When the cops show up, I'ma show them how it is Middle finger in the air, that's my third little pig 'Cause I'm sick, I'm a prick, yeah it's me, take a pic Disappear, like a trick, where'd he go? He's too quick Skate around downtown with my pants on the ground Kick me out, party foul! I'm a menace on the prowl Can't hear you Mr. Officer, the crowd's too loud So put your hands up now, yeah you know what's going down We're already sipping whiskey before the party begins Acting silly, getting dizzy, yeah I've got the spins All you sissies getting pissy, get the violin Or get knocked upside the head with a bottle of gin You want beef? Then you'd better get cooking though You want smoke? Better lock and load You ain't drunk? Baby, I've got the antidote We're gonna party all night until we hit the floor You want beef? Then you'd better get cooking though You want smoke? Better lock and load You ain't drunk? Baby, I've got the antidote We're gonna party all night until we hit the floor
4.
Ghost in the Mirror 03:08
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I spent so many days trapped inside my head In my mind, thoughts racing, lie awake in my bed With the way they kept saying I was better off dead I said it again and again, never forget it I kept asking these questions The answers in my hands, I took for granted I'm finally understanding, and damn it It's time to man up and handle it Like the man that I am, or at least supposed to be But I don't know... I don't know what I believe It's like I don't feel anything This isn't you, this isn't me It's just the ghost inside the mirror And I never thought I'd be the one to cut so deep When I see you like this, I get so weak I hope one day it'll all be clearer 'Cause I don't wanna be like the ghost in the mirror I don't wanna be like the ghost in the mirror I don't wanna be... Like the side of me that lies, always hiding, living so blind The side that makes you cry I can't even look you in the eyes 'Cause the side of me that's dying keeps denying the truth I'm picking the pieces up, I'm trying to fight my underlying issues And I miss you, like I miss being young and so reckless with you Together, we loved ourselves, but then my self obsession hit you Now I look at my reflection and say I hate you Even God wouldn't save you This is not the way I made you I don't know what I believe It's like I don't feel anything This isn't you, this isn't me It's just the ghost inside the mirror And I never thought I'd be the one to cut so deep When I see you like this, I get so weak I hope one day it'll all be clearer 'Cause I don't wanna be like the ghost in the mirror I don't wanna be like the ghost in the mirror I don't know how I got to be so selfish, so conceited Yet so helpless and defeated My weakness is that I relish in my past My secrets are unmasked The sequel of contrast I'm leaving, ain't going back to that I've got both my feet back on the ground So this time, I won't let you down I don't know what I believe It's like I don't feel anything This isn't you, this isn't me It's just the ghost inside the mirror And I never thought I'd be the one to cut so deep When I see you like this, I get so weak I hope one day it'll all be clearer 'Cause I don't wanna be like the ghost in the mirror I don't wanna be like the ghost in the mirror
5.
Lost Soul 03:53
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It's another day, another chance to blow this world away Put my pencil to the page and that's my only way to make a change Play this game, 'til I escape this disarray This is fate, I can't hesitate, no time to contemplate People say that I'm not worthy, I should just keep on running Tell the child inside me dreaming, kept on pushing and shoving Dreading every day at school, getting his ass kicked for nothing I won't leave him behind, so you wolves keep huffing and puffing I saw a ghost All alone Had a home, now there's nowhere to go He told me, don't leave a word untold Pay your toll, it's a one way road I'm not gonna be a lost soul I'm not gonna be a lost soul I'm not gonna be a lost soul Voices calling out at me in every direction All the noises get inside me like a verbal infection I can barely express it, but now I'm learning my lesson You need sticks and stones for breaking bones, and I'm no exception What a better way to repay you, than stay true? I told you I'd break through, now I'm gonna break you All you fools laughing, smacking me around Back when we were in grade school Cracking jokes about me, like you're so cool Now you're locked up in your parents' Bathroom, sniffing glue like a vacuum Mommy's getting mad at you, she knows you're a coward too It's been a long time, but it stuck like a tattoo Now I've got no choice but to make my move I saw a ghost All alone Had a home, now there's nowhere to go He told me, don't leave a word untold Pay your toll, it's a one way road I'm not gonna be a lost soul I'm not gonna be a lost soul When I'm dead, I don't wanna be gone I wanna see you kids singing all of my songs Don't wanna be forgotten, it's been far too long I wanna see you misfit kids singing life goes on I saw a ghost All alone Had a home, now there's nowhere to go He told me, don't leave a word untold Pay your toll, it's a one way road I'm not gonna be a lost soul I'm not gonna be a lost soul I'm not gonna be a lost soul

about

My first EP released December 2019. The genre is a hybrid - mostly of pop punk, alternative, hip hop, emo, metalcore, and electronic.

credits

released December 28, 2019

Producer/Recording Engineer: Nossi Adriana Lamb
Mixing Engineers: Robbie Artress / Waylen Thomas Hardy / Hayley Hersh
Mastering Engineer: Mauricio Gargel

All music and lyrics written by Subcon (Brandon Ingram)

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Subcon Nashville, Tennessee

Subcon (Brandon Ingram) is a genre-bending artist, songwriter, producer, and multi-instrumentalist from Nashville, Tennessee. Growing up loyal to the pop punk and metalcore music scenes and playing in several bands, he began producing music of his own in 2018, which manifested as a blend of pop punk, hip hop, metalcore, alternative, and rapcore. ... more

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